Body image

There's nothing like pregnancy to highlight the extent to which you feel your physical appearance defines your identity. Throughout my entire adult life to date I have had an image of myself as a person with small breasts, slim hips and a stomach that although not flat can be relatively easily kept in check by reducing the number of cakes I eat. I don't think about my body type very much but I do, I suppose, try to choose clothes to suit it. My weight fluctuates, but only between a size 10 and a size 12.

I knew that my body could theoretically change, but I always thought in terms of changes that I could control through diet and exercise. And yet here I am facing the most dramatic change of all and I have no control whatsoever. Pregnancy is turning me into my own opposite: big boobs, big hips, big stomach. Despite being stupidly unprepared for this, I haven't minded it much. I am changing on the inside and it's only right that I change on the outside too. If nothing else it's been a glimpse into the sartorial options of the big and busty, and it's probably the only time I'll be regarding a growing stomach with pride and excitement instead of depression and anxiety.

My friend A, on the other hand, is at three months pregnant saying a heartwrenching goodbye to her skinny Miss Sixty jeans and her size 10 Benetton suits. But which body is really her? The willowy pre-pregnancy version or the swelling pregnant one? Both? For me, it's case of still feeling like myself, but a self that isn't the same any more.

Weeks: 20